He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
