i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
