Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
