OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize