do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am spending my child support on dildos
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
