Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
