i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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