SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
