no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
