38 yer olds are good kisserssss
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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