Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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