So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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