I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
