I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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