pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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