My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
