Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
