Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All the doctor said was why
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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