Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
