Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
