She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
