Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
