Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
