i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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