Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
