someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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