i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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