She is in my trunk
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
