The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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