i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize