Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize