There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
