Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
