dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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