That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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