My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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