Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
