you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
jump out the window naked night went bad
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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