Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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