Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
