dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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