Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
