i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
