He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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