If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
