Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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