i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
