you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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