I'm so fucking centered right now
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize