There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
