Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
