people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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