and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
