i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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