i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
