Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
