I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
