I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
how drunk are you?
Several
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
