btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
