turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
