Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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