No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
