I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its not stalking. its research.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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