Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
