Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Are we still banned from the library?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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