I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize