yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
