I hate all girls vehemently.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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