I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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