He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
