The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
