What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
