I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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