Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
