my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
