Im at strip club and am horny
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
