Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
