You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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